OMFG YOU GUYS! THE OFFICIAL FIRST TEASER TRAILER FOR SCREAM 4 HAS HIT THE INTERNET! It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for… if you all are me. SCREAM 1 (Most people don’t usually add the 1 but I like to for emphasis) was my favorite movie growing up. As a child I was oddly obsessed with movies I wasn’t allowed to see, so of course when SCREAM 1 came out on video I made my friend who had bad, uncaring parents rent it for us. Who would have known at the time that after that one night of forbidden pleasure I would never be the same again? I had tasted my first R-rated movie and there was no turning back. Honestly it probably could have been any R-rated movie and it would from there on out be my favorite movie ever for the next week. Actually it could have been anything… it could have been DADDY DAY CAMP and I would have probably loved it. Thank God it wasn’t because SCREAM 1 is actually a great movie. Obviously the novelty of forbidden movies, like SCREAM 1 was at the time, has worn off as I get older, but there is still no denying the place SCREAM 1, and the rest of the trilogy for that matter, holds in my heart. So you can imagine how shit my pants excited I was when I heard this trailer came out.
It was just enough to get my manties in a twist, a disgusting turn of events since I had just lost control of my bowels. There were fresh young faces, new twists on old rules, video cameras, iPhone-type contraptions, Hayden “the Bulldog” Panashamalamadingdong, ANNA SOOKIE STACKHOUSE PAQUIN and that other blonde girl who played Sarah Marshall once and will never be in a good movie again… besides this. And of course, this wouldn’t be SCREAM 1 (or 4 for that matter) without our generation’s finest actress – the only woman I ever truly had a “crush” on besides Buffy – Neve Cambell, as the ever-tormented Sidney Prescott.
Poor Sidney. That bitch can just NOT catch a break… much to our luck. *Note that I talk about these characters like they are real people because, well, they are (*not a fact). Sidney has truly been through the ringer. This of course is a metaphor alluding to the fact that she answers a lot of telephone calls, which is primarily what gets her into trouble in the first place. If I were her, I would just ditch the phone altogether, but it’s just so hard to be off the grid nowadays. But now she’s older and who knows if she’s wiser, but she undoubtedly has changed her name, I think. Then there are other old people/favorites, like David Arquette and Courteney Cox… Arquette? Should I say that? Too soon? Either way there is going to be some awkwardness on the promotional tour for this shit. What I wouldn’t do to witness it firsthand…
I just have one request for Wes Craven and the gang. Please do not let Gail die. It looks like she’s going to die. I don’t know if I’m emotionally prepared to handle it. Let’s face it; all these old characters will probably die because there is no way to fit them properly into this new young cast. From what I hear they are attempting to start a whole new trilogy here, and to that I say bring it on, but I really hope we get to keep our old favorite characters. Did anyone else feel really slighted when Randy died in the second one? It just felt like a definite misstep on the writer’s part, so they brought him back in this weird videotape confession in the third one. God that was strange. Hopefully by the time the sixth one comes Sidney, Gail, and Deputy Dewey will all still be alive and so old that they can just die of natural causes. That would be nice. Real nice actually. A very soothing end to the whole experience. It will be much easier that way, especially for me. Oh well, who knows. Either way, April 15th cannot come soon enough.
WATCH HERE: movies.yahoo.com/movie/1810035905/video/22546290
JETZ SCALE: 4 JETZ… I LOVE SCREAM AND WHILE THIS TRAILER NEEDS TO COOL IT’S JETZ IT LOSES ONE BECAUSE IT’S NOT OUT YET
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