Now that I’ve already forwarded my political agenda today (ME FOR PRESIDENT!) (Actually that’s too much work… WILLOW SMITH FOR PRESIDENT!), let’s get to the real news. Demi Lovato, whom I actually know nothing about besides that fact that I’m supposed to know her name, checked into rehab! Yesssss! It begins. Another one bites the dust. And good for her because let’s face it, she just got a whole lot more interesting.
At this point the details are a little spotty and no one really knows why she checked in but does it really even matter? She’s a little bland. Honestly she needed something. I just can’t WAIT to find out what exactly it is. Some people claim now that she’s seeking help for cutting and an eating disorder. The eating disorder is such a cop out but the cutting… ooooooooh. Now we’re getting somewhere. Of course cutting is a very serious condition and I don’t condone anyone doing it but we all know Demi Lovato probably got a paper cut and her publicists were all, “now’s our chance!” If it’s actually serious I really hope she gets the help she needs but… my word that is interesting. I think this is a first? A tween star going to rehab for cutting. Good for Demi, I never thought she would amount to much, then she goes and paves the way with a whole new affliction for young female stars. I didn't see that coming. Bravo Demi. A true trailblazer. There was also some word that she got into a physical altercation with a girl that was on tour with her… Please let that girl speak now. Her silence is killing me. What I wouldn’t give to have seen that. I also can’t help but wonder how “physical” it actually was and I truly can’t help but imagine how weak (or strong…so terribly strong, perhaps superhuman? A radioactive side-effect?) the force from a Demi Lovato punch feels.
The real question here is where does Taylor Swift fit into all of this. Somewhere deep down I just know she’s involved. You know it too, don’t pretend. Man do I hope Taylor Swift goes to rehab for cutting, or anything for that matter. Wouldn’t that be so great? Except you KNOW Taylor Swift is the most fucked up out of all those girls. She tries to play it so cool like she’s so wholesome but everyone is just terrified of her. She definitely gets so wild. Too wild frankly. Like wild to the point that Lindsay Lohan wants nothing to do with her. Damn, Taylor Swift is crazy.
I think the most exciting thing about this whole Demi/Taylor Swift ordeal is the inevitable affliction that Willow Smith will come up with, because it’ll obviously be the best one yet, and probably ever. Willow has a lot of dignity, I think he/she is like a good-will ambassador to the Obama campaign or something (not factual information, don’t quote me on that), and will certainly behave shimself for the next year or so, but you know he/she is going to get CRAZY once 11 hits. All that fierce hair-whipping will certainly prove too much for one person to take and I for one cannot wait to see what he/she turns to for “help.” What I wouldn’t give to be able to see into the future right now. Where is my crystal ball when I need it? The anticipation is killing me.
JETZ SCALE: WAIT WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT? OH YEAH…
4 JETZ FOR DEMI – LET’S SEE WHAT SHE COMES UP WITH NEXT
5 JETZ FOR WILLOW OBVIOUSLY
AND…
I’M SIMPLY TOO SCARED TO JETZ SCALE TAYLOR SWIFT. PLEASE BUY HER NEW ALBUM… FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.
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